Influenza.

The word was getting around everywhere, and Steven was worried. He had lived with his girlfriend Gladice, and her pig scuffles, for the last three years. The pig didn’t bother him, it just sat there – Starring and snorting and sleeping. Gladice adored her pig. Every now and then she would take it for a walk out on the pier. And even though Steven didn’t agree that scuffles was a proper house-hold pet, he tolerated their living arrangements because he was madly in love with Gladice.

“Babe, what do want to eat tonight?” Gladice called out from the kitchen. Steven sat watching the 6 o’clock daily news.

“Not pork,” Steven responded, at which scuffles let out a faint yelp and ran to Gladice.

“Oh no, honey. You’ve scared scuffles.”

“Let’s not eat him.” Scuffles let out another faint yelp. “Have you heard of this swine flu virus?”

“Yeah, everyone at work is talking about it. We’re not allowed to come in if we get any similar symptoms. It’s a pandemic.” Steven, keeping his cool, stared at the TV, as Scuffles ran across the room in front of him, and wonder what if?

For the next couple of weeks, news of the swine flu were everywhere, and the fact that there was a pig living in his home made Steven a bit nervous.

“Two more people died today because of the H1N1 virus.”

“The deaths of another 19 children and teenagers from the new H1N1 virus were reported in the past week around the country.”

“Those infections likely worsened the illness and contributed to the deaths, six of which occurred in previously healthy people with no known medical conditions.”

“More than 1,100 people worldwide have died from swine flu since it emerged in Mexico and the U.S. in April”

The news was all around him. Conversations, newspapers, TV commercials; Steven decided he had enough. He ran home from work, slammed the door behind him, threw his jacket on the coat hanger, and yelled out, “Gladice, I’m leaving!”

“You’re seriously going to walk out of me because of my pig?” Gladice shouted from the front porch, still wearing pajamas under her night robe and slippers. It was cold out, fresh snow had fallen in the early morning. Steven was packing suitcases into the back of his truck.

“H1N1, baby. It’s everywhere.”

“Wait a minute.” Gladice walked down the steps to the drive way, standing just a few feet away from Steven, and asked, “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Of course I do. It’s the pig!”

“How can a relationship be ruined over a pig?”

“Get rid of it!”

“Why?”

“Do you want me to get sick and die, Gladice? Do you want to get sick and die.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. No one is dying.”

“Have you not watched the news lately? I’m leaving.” Steve climbed into his truck, turned to look at Gladice one last time, and drove off.

“But wait!” Gladice called out, then said to herself, “The swine flu doesn’t come from pigs… Douche.”